“You inexplicably know lots of awesome people even though you are repulsive yourself”
what WHAT indeed you ‘awesome people’. Everyone’s top 15 favorite polluter of the blogosphere is back with his long delayed and marginally anticipated 10th blog. Time for more gut wrenching tales of misadventure? Perhaps I have lost a limb, or I choked to death and curiously left this 10th blog with an attorney as my last will and testament.
Wrong. The last 9 blogs have sucked you in for my first (and only?) blog about my successes here in OZ. Even I, the charmingly befuddled Virginian, have made a few right moves here in this backwards country.
Success #1… Surfing:
Many of you may be surprised to hear that I have actually improved considerably at such a cool and sexy recreational activity. I have already upgraded to a more advanced board once (from my original red board I named “Darth Shred” to a more aggressively shaped blue board named “Natasha”). Now I have just put up adds to sell “Natasha” so that I may upgrade to a significantly more advanced and unnamed board.
Other surfers out on the water have even taken notice. Where they used to say things like “Get the hell out of the way” and “beginners should surf further south on the beach” now I hear things like “nice wave blue board” and “do you know what time it is?” The first complimentary quote I have heard a few times including once by this really nasty Japanese guy (he was really good, and I also find that Japanese people look the coolest of all surfers). The second one I have heard a few times, and because it is not an insult, I’ll take it as a compliment.
I have even earned the nickname “Cutback Calabrese” from a small but distinguished group of surfers (and by small I mean to say that Chris Morgan is the only person who has ever called me that, and by distinguished I of coarse mean to say ugly).
Success #2… Not Vomiting:
I tried sparring for the first time the other week and did not vomit. I worked out with Luke Griffen, a 30 year old amateur boxer who considered going pro back in Whales. I may have to revise my theory that Whales sucks (reference blog #3) because Luke is a really good guy when he is not punching me in the face. He did punch me in the face quite often; however, I still think he is a good guy.
We went for 5 rounds, 2 minutes each. On several occasions I had to plan seriously on where I would go to vomit. Could I make it to the trash can in time, or should I just run to the window? I learned that being punched in the face is extremely annoying, and the best way to make someone stop is to punch them really hard in the face. I actually succeeded at doing this several times. Luke said that I did not panic when I was being hit, and that I can throw a really hard right hand. How about that for a success?
I could hardly keep my hands up the last few rounds and I’m pretty sure Luke was shouting at me to keep going, but it was hard to understand his ridiculous accent. He began hitting me pretty hard in the body by the end, which conveyed a message to keep going that I easily understood. That contributed mightily to my desire to vomit, but again I did not. Hence success number 2.
I joking asked him to show me some dirty techniques just in case, and he actually took my request very seriously. We spent 5 minutes working on how to look like I’m throwing a right hand to the head, but to actually swing my elbow down like an axe across his face. Along with some pad work, Luke had me do a cool down of some “light skipping.” I thought this would be okay, as I had been doing a lot of jump rope on my own at the gym. He then set the timer for 8 minutes, which in my opinion at the time was an ungodly amount of time to skip. 8 minutes later I again was planning out where I would vomit, but again I did not. Success.
Sadly I will not succeed in finishing this blog entry (ironically), because I just got a call from the gym to come in to work early today. The blog has gone on long enough anyways.
So look forward to “what WHAT” part two. I will also include some pictures.
I would like to thank Benjamin Heriaud for supplying me with the title of this blog, and for Michelle Young for providing the introductory quotation (as painful as it was, funny is funny). I would also like to apologize to Chris (I actually think you are a very handsome man, I was just joking).