On the road again, but this time my ears are bleeding

That’s right nerds I’m finally leaving Sydney, and my right ear is mysteriously bleeding. But first things first, I need to back up a little bit and answer the dozens of questions I have imagined have been pouring in from all those people who actively follow my blog and care about what is happening to me.

Question 1: “I don’t understand James, why are you homeless and living in a van? Maybe in your next entry you can explain that?”

I especially like this question because it is the only question that was actually asked and I have not invented for the purpose of this blog (thank you Charlotte). The blog Charlotte just couldn’t wait to hear more about was all about my misfortune while traveling in New Zealand. This is an adventurous country very near Australia. Sheep out-populate people 7:1 and Hungarian hitchhikers talk to you for 30 minutes on the subject of pig slaughter. Did you know that you can use the blood to make a wonderful breakfast called “scrambled blood”? I didn’t know that either. We got him back, however, as we dropped him off even further from his destination than where we pickedhim up.

Did that answer your question?

Brothers from another mother

Brothers from another mother

Question 2: “Bungi jumping was invented in New Zealand and Queenstown is considered the adventure capital of the world, did you try anything extreme?”

Not scared just concerned about the wetness of my pants

Not scared just concerned about the wetness of my pants

This is a stupid question because the way I eat sandwiches is extreme for most people. I lead a high-octane, cost-effective life. Yes I did go bungi jumping, and yes I did chose to jump off of the highest one in all of

Australasia. 143 meters of pure terror. Please reference the pictures of me pissing myself before jumping (I’m not a fan of heights if you didn’t already know that).

Nothing garnishes a gin martini with a lemon twist like a terrible mustache

Nothing garnishes a gin martini with a lemon twist like a terrible mustache

Q 3: “Why don’t you shorten it from ‘Question’ to ‘Q’ for efficiency?”

Way ahead of you.

Q 4: “James, you have long prided yourself on your ‘bourgeois’ status. What have you been doing in Sydney to further distance yourself from the working class?”

Living above the poverty line : Rachel and I dressed up and appropriately went to a casino, where I won 65 dollars. I attribute these winnings to my wonderful red tie I was sent for Christmas -Thanks mom.

Living above the poverty line : Rachel and I dressed up and appropriately went to a casino, where I won 65 dollars. I attribute these winnings to my wonderful red tie I was sent for Christmas -Thanks mom.

I do in fact feel strongly that we should all strive to separate our lives as much as possible from the lives of those in “the lower classes.” To openly support this effort I recently attended the Sydney Philharmonic’s performance of Beethoven’s 9th symphony in the simply decadent setting of the Sydney Opera House (if you have the means, I highly recommend it).

I have also been know to sit down at several of the “high roller” tables at the Sydney casino. Not only do these 5-10 dollar stakes assert my higher status, but an evening at the casino affords me the opportunity to wear some of the fantastic cloths my mother sent me for Christmas. These items include a red tie, and several white Hanes t-shirts.

Q 5: “Back state-side you were often mistaken for a small girl. Have you done anything to man-up a little bit”

Yes and no. No because I never ended up competing in an amateur boxing match, and no because I’m currently wearing jean shorts, and no because I’m listening to a lot of “Destinies Child” right now.

Yes because I just rented a 4WD Land Rover for $1 a day, and illegally took it to Frasier Island. This is the largest all-sand island in the world, and can only be accessed by 4WD vehicles. I traveled there for 3 chest hair building days with Rachel, Phil Sukys, and a refreshing blast from the past, Nick Menchel. This was arguably the coolest thing I have ever done in my life. We are lucky we didn’t break the car, as both Phil and I had to learn how to drive off road as we went.
The whole trip was one big Land Rover commercial as we all cheered and laughed as we blew through streams, cruised across beaches, and climbed mountains. If you ever go to Australia this is something you must do.

Nick, Phil, Rachel and I shared some of the most manly adventures in this sick whip. Except for the one time we needed to get towed out (I got us stuck), we largely embarrassed nature.

Nick, Phil, Rachel and I shared some of the most manly adventures in this sick whip. Except for the one time we needed to get towed out (I got us stuck), we largely embarrassed nature.

Q 6: “Did the Easter bunny find you in Australia?”

If by “find me in Australia” you meant to say “hop on up to you and poop on your life” then yes, the Easter bunny absolutely found me. Rachel and I arrived in Byron Bay (our first stop after leaving Sydney) Easter morning at 6am. We were loaded down with way to much stuff (2 days later we threw away a lot of our stuff to lighten our loads), but we managed to hobble down to the beach where we planned to relax for a few hours before our next bus.

I would like to digress for a moment and say that it is very difficult to convey how annoying it is to move around at all when you are carrying a camping pack that is full to the brim, and another back pack that is filled with more “Travel Australia” books than you know what to do with. In fact it is quite infuriating. I want to go on for a while about this, but I’ll spare you. Just remember that for the remainder of “Q 6,” Rachel and I hate every step we take. Back to the story…
So we “planned” to relax, but I swear to god, the exact moment we had finally set our stuff down, got our swimming cloths out, put them on, put our old cloths away, set our towels down, and lied down… it started to rain. So we spent the next few ours under an awning outside a bakery. We mostly sat quietly and tried to ignore the old scary hippies who tried to talk to us while waiting for their blues festival to begin.

We caught our bus, and saw some sights that afternoon before we returned again to Byron Bay for Easter night. Again we went to the beach to relax for a few hours before our next bus. Bummer, it was too late for me to rent a surf board so we set our towels out, and you guessed it… started raining again. So we spent the next 3 hours huddled under another awning, waiting for another bus, shedding another tear, enjoying another Easter.

Well, more later. I need to run to pick up our next 4WD. We are really breaking the bank since this one is costing $5 a day. We drove 2700 kilometers to get here to the middle of nowhere (Alice Spings). Now Rachel and I are heading to see a big rock (Uluru), and then we drive another 2500 kilometers north to Darwin. I’ll be out of touch till then (the 20th). Also Rachel and I almost died on the way here, but more on that later. Also, we went camping in the blue mountains and I almost stepped on a 3 foot long Tiger Snake (worlds 3rd deadliest snake). Also I have been surrounded by wild dingos on multiple occasions (the last one Nick chased them off with a stick).

-James

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